National Treasure - Book of Secrets

Went to see this over the weekend and it was a really good movie. I haven't seen the first one, but it didn't matter. Now I have to go back and rent the first one. It was funny, action-packed and just a good movie to go see for something different. Riley, the side-kick, actually stole the movie. His character was the best. He is a cute guy, and funny on top of it. The story line is based on everyone's favorite President (Lincoln) so you can't go wrong with that (I'm a huge history buff so I was hooked from the first scene). I have the first one in my netflix cue already. I recommend it for everyone to check it out.

Jeff Dunham and Achmed @ Christmas

Jeff Dunham with Peanut

New Year's Eve

It's that time of year, time to get ready to say we're going to change, make those resolutions! Are you ready? What will it be this year? Weight, organizational skills, time management, more time to yourself, with your family? The choices are endless.

2008 for me is going to be about giving back and slowing down. It's time to appreciate what I have and why I have it.

Happy New Year to everyone and may your resolutions come true!!!

Baking is for Martha

I baked cookies yesterday and I gotta tell ya, it's a full day committment. Martha makes it look so easy, as do so many on the cooking channel. They act like you can just push out 12 dozen cookies in 30 minutes and that's not true.

Planning the cookies 10 minutes
Shopping for the ingredients 30 minutes
Whipping up the batter 15 minutes
Baking the cookies 6 hours and 15 minutes

Lets get real, the cookie tray only holds so many cookies so it's put them on, slide them in, bake, slide them out, let them cool, put them back on, slide them in, bake,take them out, over and over until your day is just sucked into this crazy chocolate, peanut butter, dough mania. Even if you use two cookie sheets as my older sister called and suggested you're still going through the same motions and it takes forever to get a substantial amount of cookies to build up.

Throw in a 3 year old, some Christmas wrapping on the side and few phone calls and you've got a full day!

I'm glad I only venture into this baking world once a year, it's just not for me!

Holiday Eating Tips

I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and
forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police
come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get
through the holidays without gaining ten pounds. You can't pick
up a magazine without finding a list of holiday do's and don'ts.

Eliminate second helpings, high calorie sauces and cookies made
with butter, they say.
Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say.

Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a
carrot stick?

I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something you
left for Rudolph.

I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if
you follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't
make if to New Year's? Your pants don't fit anymore, anyway.

1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts
carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the
Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly.
Like fine single-malt Scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even
rarer than single-malt Scotch. You can't find it any other
time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has
10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to
turn into an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy
it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think.
It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point
of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a
volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with Gravy. Eat
the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim
milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like
buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to
control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas
party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it.
Hello? Remember college?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between Christmas
and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have
nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which
you'll need after circling the buffet table carrying a ten-
pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table,
like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa,
position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as
you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like
a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're
not going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of
each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and
one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have
more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it all cost. I mean,
have some standards, mate.

10. And one final tip If you don't feel terrible when you leave
the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying
attention. Reread the tips. Start over. But hurry! Cookie-
less January is just around the corner.


[Thanks to Rose Vos]

True Love

Underdog Cartoon

He was one of my favorites. I have a lunchbox and some T-shirts!

Merry Christmas From Around the World

English - Merry Christmas & Happy New Year
French - Joyeux Noël et Bonne Année!
German - Fröhliche Weihnachten und ein glückliches Neues Jahr!
Greek - Kala Christougenna Ki'eftihismenos O Kenourios Chronos
Hawaiian - Mele Kalikimaka & Hauoli Makahiki Hou
Italian - Buon Natale e Felice Anno Nuovo
Spanish - Feliz Navidad y Próspero Año Nuevo
Tubetube - Yayaliyaya Yesu sikabi kaiwena
Welsh - Nadolig LLawen a Blwyddyn Newydd Dda
Zulu - Sinifesela Ukhisimusi Omuhle Nonyaka Omusha Onempumelelo

What the heck is Tubetube - anybody know? Just threw it in there for fun, but I have no idea where they speak this language!!

Jeff Dunham and Achmed

Totally Disagree with Jacob's Link

www.mnartists.org/article.do?rid=161511 - check out this article.

This is an article Jacob has on his blog and I couldn't disagree more. It is a long article but worth the read.

Yes, we have too many reality TV shows throwing people at us that can't sing, dance or do many things but to say creativity should stop is ridiculous.

I'm old school, sorry, I'm "Ms. Tribute to Mr. Rogers, Sesame Street", and so many others that taught us to use our imaginations and you have no idea where that can take you in life. Creativity is such a huge factor in so many people's lives. What if someone had told the greats of the worlds to just stop being creative?

"Beethovean seriously dude, you have just been trying and you can't seem to get it right, stop trying to be so creative with your music." "Hey Picasso, seriously, some of your work, what are you really trying to say? Let's just ease up on the creativity dude and give it a rest!".

Now yes, I know every kid that comes out of the arts world in college things they may be the next big art find and most will end up in the white, collar business world at some point but can you blame them for trying? What if they do make it and they get to create and make money doing something that is their passion? How many of us want to me that person?

Seriously, this guy should have got out of the car and ripped off that bumper sticker from that car.

Creativity separates the exciting from the boring,the challenging from the limited, the fun from dull! It makes life something to live life about and that's what I have to say about that!

The Chanukah Song by Adam Sandler

Things I Love about Christmas

1. Everyone wants it to snow in December, but once December 25th is over snow is the enemy! The same people that "dreamed" of a White Christmas are now bitching that they can't drive in it, can't stand to dig out their drive ways, and certainly don't want to put up with this crap all winter.

2. When you're shopping at Christmas time, most people say things like, "No you can go ahead of me", "Excuse me", "Thank you", "Happy Holiday", "Let me get that for you" but December 26th (Return Day) my how the language and attitudes change! Where do those people go? It's like they are replaced with hateful aliens from the Island of Misfit People

3. Everyone looks nice during the month of December. They dress better, all red and white, christmas jewelry, hair is fixed a lot at work because most have parties and all in all they just look good. Come January 1 most folks look like something the cat drug in.........baggy jeans, sweats, hair pulled back because they are headed to the gym to get rid of the extra Christmas weight or they have to rush home to get the Christmas crap down from their house.

4. Aaahhh the view of the city during the month of December as you drive by, all the house lit up, animated, characters in the yard filled with air, window scenes at the houses, greenery on the window ledges, it's as if Santa has come to town and decorated himself. January 1 you drive by the same houses and some lights are hanging from the roof, animated characters lay, deflated in the yard, snow covered adn frozen to the ground, greenery hanging halfway from the window ledge, ribbons blowing in the wind.

5. Family at Christmas time is such a wonderful thing. We all gather together to show our children and loved ones what Christmas is all about. Gifts are exchanged, food is made and ate, games are played and a good time is had by all. As you leave, hugs and kisses are given and promises are made to stay in touch and the love of Christmas fills your heart. Right around December 27th the phone calls start, "Did you hear what she said to me?", "Can you believe he acted that way again?", "Omigosh if I have to spend another holiday with his in-laws I will go insane". Yes, the joy of holidays with family, it's great!

6. Christmas shopping for the perfect gift - it makes your heart fill with joy to actually know you are buying the perfect gift. December 26th when you find out it wasn't so perfect..........."Well had I known she was so picky I'd have given her a gift card and called it a day.", "Next year I'm going to Florida for Christmas instead of wasting money on his family.", "Like she would know real if hit smacked her in the face.", "Not her type, I've seen her type and trust me they don't sell THAT in a store." Yes shopping for the perfect gift is so rewarding.

Yes, I do love Christmas..........it's fun!

What To Say About The "Special" Christmas Gift

Here are a few things to say when you get those "oh not so perfect gifts" and you are caught off guard.

10. Hey! There's a gift!

9. Well, well, well ...

8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.

7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.

6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.

5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!

4. I love it -- but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.

2. To think -- I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

1. "I really don't deserve this."

Wal-Mart Commercial is a Scam

I love the new Wal-Mart commercial that shows all the employees "stepping up" to their registers and it says they are just going to be there this year to wait on us. WHAT A JOKE PEOPLE.

I went grocery shopping tonight at 11:30 PM and I finshed around 12:40 AM. I go to the front all pumped, invisioning the commercial I've seen about a hundred times on TV now, but of course there are 3 lines open and 50 people trying to check out with me.

What a scam, I was just let down, disappointment and the heart of Christmas was just sucked right from my heart! Not to mention all my frozen products started to get soggy.

So word to the wise, nothing has changed and just so you'll know, don't jump to Kroger because it's not any better there...............tons of people.....no check out folks.

Happy Holidays and Have Fun Shopping

Ken's reply Letter to Santa about Barbie

No wonder they broke up!

Ken
c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA 90245

Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
December 23, 1998

Dear Santa:

I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically
asking for anatomical and career changes. In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks
were made about me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion choices. I would like to take
this opportunity to inform you of some issues concerning Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs
and desires.

First of all, I along with several other colleagues feel Barbie DOES NOT deserve preferential
treatment - the bitch has everything. Along with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, I DO NOT have
a dream house, corvette, evening gowns, and in some cases the ability to change our hair style. I
personally have only 3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at great length.

My decision to accessorize my outfits with an earring was my decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.

I too would like a change in my career. Have you ever considered "Decorator Ken", "Beauty Salon
Ken", or "Out Of Work Actor Ken"? In addition, there are several other avenues which could be
considered such as "S&M Ken" , "Green Lantern Ken", "Circuit Ken", "Bear Ken", "Master Ken".
These would more accurately reflect my desires and perhaps open up new markets. And as for Barbie
needing bendable arms so she can "push me away," I need bendable knees so I can kick the bitch to
the curb. Bendable knees would also be helpful for me in other situations - we've talked about this
issue before.

In closing, I would like to point out that any further concessions to the blond bimbo from hell will result
in action be taken by myself and others. And Barbie can forget about having Joe - he's mine, at least
that's what he said last night.

Sincerely,

Ken

This Cracks me up

Diary Of A Snow Shoveler


December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can
there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the
best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and
felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks
and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect
life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely
have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says
we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to
see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice
man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature
dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took
my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and
sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon
and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do
quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this
way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes
out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an
hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets
on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to
irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit
it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm
freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came
by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the
only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and
they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're
lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and
bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably
won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to
go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed,
pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire
Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he
says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is
she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says
she did but I think she's damn well lying.

December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a
bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his
balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour
and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife
wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents,
but I was busy watching for the goddamn snowplow.

December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop
tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I
hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head with my shovel.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It
was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is
driving me crazy!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does
he think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a
million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her
mother . 9" predicted.

December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

Barbie's Christmas Letter to Santa

Barbie
c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA 90245

Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
December 23, 1996

Dear Santa:

Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas
Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many
tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had
better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and
trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1998:


Santa:

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker.
How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels
like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to
cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!

3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, get it done.

6. A jogbra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet,
a public relations senior account exec!

8. A new, more 2007 persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun,
outfitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years--I think I deserve it.

Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line.
If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas.

It's that simple.

Yours truly,
Barbie

Santa Clause 3 - The Escape Clause

I watched this last night and it was pretty funny. Martin Short delivers every time no matter what movie he's in. His role as Jack Frost was great and putting him with Tim Allen made it better. The bloopers at the end we're pretty good too. It still wasn't as good as the first one, but hey, it was cute. Bernard it missing, the head elf because he's a big star now on Numbers but other than that the original cast is back and it was a cute film for kids. Good for the holidays!

Ode to Jerry

If you are married if you understand this entry:

Hanging Lights


Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of
the three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship?
Psychiatrists claim the other two danger zones are teaching your
mate to drive and wallpapering. They are rarely wrong on these
things. We therefore rush to print with an emergency prompt list
of Things Not To Say When Hanging Lights on the Christmas Tree.


- "You've got two red lights right next to each other, dummy.
You're supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow,
red, red, green, blue..."

- "Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."

- "What the heck do you do to these lights when you put them away
every year? Tie them in knot?"

- "Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going to fry
that sucker."

- "If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't
just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than
your father."

- "Give me that!"

- "You've got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The electric
pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the
top."

- "I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm done!"

- "You've just wound 'em around and around - I thought we agreed
it shouldn't look like a spiral this year?"

- "Have you been drinking?"

- "Where's the cat?"

This is classic and so very, very, true.

Christmas Songs For The Mentally Disturbed

SCHIZOPHRENIA
Do you Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER
We Three Queens Disoriented Are

DEMENTIA
I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas

NARCISSISTIC
Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

MANIC
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and
Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire
Hydrants and.....

PARANOID
Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell you
Why.

DEPRESSION
Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock ........
....(better start again)

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY
On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it
all away).

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.

Christmas Decorating

And so it begins................the putting up of the tree, the hanging of the garland, the pulling out of the boxes. Do I have enough lights? Where did I put the extra bulb "thingys" that I say I'm going to save every year when the strands go out? Damn why didn't I take the time to wrap these lights up nice and neat last year? Oh wait I remember because I was sick to death of the holiday season by the time I packed this crap away last time. Tis the season to be jolly!

Right in the midst of decorating I had to contend with getting my heater fixed (two trips from the heater guy not one - BONUS FOR ME) and just for extra fun, plumbing problems in my basement. I swear to God this house it cursed. I owe it all to a certain person who said, "Oh don't pay to have your house inspected, you're dating me and I will look at everything and whatever issues you are having I will take care of. Then of course I will tell you once you are two weeks into the new house that I'm leaving your sorry butt for another girl!" Valuable lesson ladies, never listen to a man when it comes to something you're solely putting your name on. He is in a new house that he can of course take care of because he is the handiest man I know and I'm in the cursed house with no one to help me fix it. Lovely and at holiday time but am I bitter? No not at all, I'm filled with holiday joy just for him!

Anyway, my tree is up and my house is decorated but I'm flat broke and about to be even more broke with plumbing issues. Happy Holidays to me!

Thankful for my friend

I am thankful for my best friend today and he knows who he is. Funny, no matter what kind of day I'm having he always seem to just accept me the way that I am and he probably doesn't even know it but he always help my mood. He always manages to come through for me and I hate that I can't ever seem to repay him the way that I need to. On this Thanksgiving Day I truly am thankful to have a person in my life that I love, cherish and hope to have around for the rest of my life. He is the single, most important person in my life.

Ironically someone once tried to tell me that I needed to learn what "real love" was all about and the funny thing is; he didn't have a clue. Real love comes in all different ways to you and I've been fortunate to have real love in my life more than once and I'm grateful for that more than most people will ever realize.

If you have someone that is that special to you, make sure they know before it's too late. If you haven't told them, tell them the next time you see them. Don't let the moment pass. Life is too short.

AND, to my best friend in the whole world, I love you and I thank you for accepting me for who I am and always being there for me in my sad, boring, dramatic, needy, little life that I lead.

Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving!

Burning or Freezing - Either Way It's Broke Again

For those of you that know me my air conditioner went out this summer and it was a nightmare getting it fixed because of the warranty company. I finally ended up; after countless arguments and two companies later, getting a complete new air conditioner AND furnace at the end of summer right when the heat wave broke and I didn't need it any longer. I know, totally ironic. However I had a brand new furance all ready for winter. I of course, sassy as always made the comment to many that "just wait the first cold night and I know the new furnace won't work." The guys assured me that it would as they had tested it several times.

Well here we are Thanksgiving night, it's really cold and the pilot light won't light and no one in my family can get it to light. My niece even has one just like it so my brother-in-law has started hers but OF COURSE mine isn't doing what the instructions are saying they are supposed to do and the gas won't seem to feed to the heater.

Here we are, thankful on this day for so many things but freezing to death and I KNEW this would happen. This money pit of a house cracks me up each and every time I turn around.

Now I can call the warranty company tomorrow and get yanked around tomorrow for 2-3 days while it's freezing or I can just call a company here in town and spend money tha I absolutely DO NOT HAVE to fix it now. Gee, what should I do. Well I have a 2 year old so guess what I have to make the call first thing in the morning and pretend I have money.

Loving this day. Just wanted to vent about my forever money pit of a house.

Black Friday

I heard the Kohl's is going to open Friday morning at 4:00 AM. Is this really necessary? What has this day turned into? The radio announcers said it was for the folks that had to work on Friday so that they could shop before they went to work and they could take advantage of the sales too. It's crazy. I have shopped on this day and I have to admit I went after items when my daughter was small and we also shopped for angel kids which at least was for a good cause, but I just can't do it any more. The thought of fighting that crowd just makes me want to cry.

I will wander out Friday night or Saturday afternoon and see what's left to purchase but I can't "break down the doors" with the Black Friday Crusaders.

Good Luck to all that have the nerve and may you get your bargains!

Adam Sandler's Turkey Day Song

It's Almost Turkey Day so how can we not celebrate without Adam's famous song. My sister sent me this and I just cracked up. It's the best!


Turkey for me
Turkey for you
Let's eat the turkey
In my big brown shoe
Love to eat the turkey
At the table
I once saw a movie
With Betty Grable
Eat that turkey
All night long
Fifty million Elvis fans
Can't be wrong
Turkey lurkey doo and
Turkey lurkey dap
I eat that turkey
Then I take a nap

Thanksgiving is a special night
Jimmy Walker used to say Dynomite
That's right
Turkey with gravy and cranberry
Can't believe the Mets traded Darryl Strawberry
Turkey for you and
Turkey for me
Can't believe Tyson
Gave that girl V.D.

White meat, dark meat
You just can't lose
I fell off my moped
And I got a bruise
Turkey in the oven
And the buns in the toaster
I'll never take down
My Cheryl Tiegs poster
Wrap the turkey up
In aluminum foil
My brother likes to masturbate
With baby oil
Turkey and sweet potato pie
Sammy Davis Jr.
Only had one eye

Turkey for the girls and
Turkey for the boys
My favorite kind of pants
Are corduroys
Gobble gobble goo and
Gobble gobble gickel
I wish turkey
Only cost a nickel
Oh I love turkey on Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

Get Fuzzy Humor

Get Fuzzy

A Unique Poem to make you think

If you think you are beaten you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't;
If you want to win but think you can't;
It's almost a cinch you won't.
If you think you'll lose you're lost;
For out of the world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will;
It's all in a state of mind.
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger and faster man,
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.
-- Author Unknown

Prison and Work

IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK...you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

IN PRISON...a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share.

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON...there are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK...they are called managers.

Wallpaper Mania

I know it was the "thing" in the 60's and the 70's and I think it even made a come back in the 80's but I loathe wallpaper. When I bought my house last year the only room that had wallpaper was the kitchen and it was also the smallest room in the house. My first thought was, "OK I'm good, I can rip that down in no time and I'll just repaint." Well I did that "little job" this weekend and let me tell you it was pure hell. That wallpaper was stuck to those walls like superglue. What do they put that stuff on with anyway? I scraped, wiped, sprayed, cussed and ripped my way through and what I thought would maybe take me a couple of hours, ended up taking me all day and all night. Not to mention what it did to my already damaged back.

I have to make this statement, if someone gave me my dream house and it was every thing that I wanted BUT it had wallpaper I would walk away. I LOATHE wallpaper because at some point in time you will want to change the look of your room and it will have to come down! Unless you can afford to pay someone, it''s pure hell.

Sorry had to vent my wallpaper madness moment. Just paint people, just paint. Wallpaper is out of style anyway and it's easier to take care of anyway.

Living by the Golden Rule

Catalyst:

“Something that causes an important event to happen; or a substance that initiates or accelerates a chemical reaction without itself being affected.”

I believe that a person can be a catalyst in other people’s lives. It should read, “A person who initiates turmoil and stress without themselves being affected.” It does happen and we enable the person to continue to be that catalyst for a number of reasons. Maybe we feel they have “issues” and we’re not sure how to help them. Maybe there are “factors” around their life that we’re not sure how to deal with, but the bottom line is that this “catalytic” person continues to wreak havoc upon a family until the family itself begins to self destruct and become unstable. How long do you allow it to continue before you put your foot down and say no more? Hopefully there is a breaking point, but no one knows when this is except maybe fate!

We see shows like Intervention and thus there are so many people out there with issues beyond comprehension that need help. Help that a family cannot do by their self without outside assistance. Each of those individuals is a catalyst. Too selfish to admit they have a problem that is hurting not only themselves, but their entire family. How do they get like this? Is it upbringing, something horrible from their past, culture, environment, DNA? All of this combined? It’s a mystery but in the end the parents seem to take the blame each time and then the guilt sets in. Amazing isn’t it?

Had they just did what they were supposed to have done then the child would have been OK. Pretty simple right? Kind of makes you wonder why they didn’t. What if we all just lived by the Golden Rule – Treat others as you would want others to treat you. How hard is that? How hard is it to just get up every day and live your life on the straight and narrow and just live a normal life? To hear some people it’s impossible. Wouldn’t it be a great place if everyone just followed the Golden Rule? Would it change the world? Is it even possible? Could you do it for one week? Two weeks? One month? How long could you live by the Golden Rule?

Ask yourself and try it – How long can you be a good person without snapping back to your old, bad habits? Negativity, hatred, jealousy, bitterness? Try it, see how long you last. It’s a tough challenge, most people can’t last a day. Try to live by the Golden Rule for one day and see if you can.

Good Luck.

Mr. Brooks Movie Review

Consider Mr. Brooks: a successful businessman; a generous philanthropist; a loving father and devoted husband. Seemingly, he's perfect. But Mr. Brooks has a secret--he is an insatiable serial killer, so lethally clever that no one has ever suspected him--until now. Earl Brooks is a man who has managed to keep his two incompatible worlds from intersecting by controlling his cunning, wicked alter ego Marshall. But now, as Mr. Brooks succumbs to one last murderous urge, an amateur photographer witnesses the crime. Suddenly Brooks finds himself entangled in the dark agenda of an opportunistic bystander, as well as hunted by the unorthodox and tenacious detective Tracy Atwood. Can Mr. Brooks outsmart his adversaries and conceal his shocking double life from his wife and daughter--or will someone expose his crimes and his identity once and for all?

I thought this was a good movie and I would rate it with the Yahoo viewers at a B- or maybe a B+. Kevin was great at playing the bad guy and as usual his character was flawless. He has this ability to make you feel what he is feeling. I love him as an actor. Him and John Cusack, love their ability to be real.

Anyway, lots of twist and unexpected turn of events. It took me by surprise once or twice and I liked that a lot. I recommend renting it for the weekend!

Top 10 Reasons Why Dr. Phil Thinks Your Family is Crazy on Thanksgiving

10. At 42 your nephew Steve watches the Macy’s Parade on his father’s shoulders in the living room.

9. All of Grandma’s recipes calls for 2 parts Gin and 1 part rum.

8. All eating utensils must be plastic due to last years holiday “incident” with cousin Billy.

7. Cousin Susie says her Mommy will be bringing an “Uncle” with them for dinner. She has many Uncles that visit her mommy.

6. Aunt Beth has to be reminded not to thank the caterer so graciously out back as she did last year since her divorce is not completely final from last year’s thank you.

5. The Shi’ites next door have actually asked that you keep the noise to a minimum this year

4. Everyone is reminded to not discuss that cousin Billy’s “sister” is really his “mom” (thus the utensil incident from last year).

3. Aunt Georgia’s new hair color really is supposed to be that color so no one ask why!

2. If the police show up for Uncle Marty; remember we have all rehearsed the alibi and we are sticking to it.

1. Dinner will be delayed for a few hours, Uncle Marty sold the church basket of food for money so Grandma has to go out and try to replace some of the food items and it looks like we ain’t havin’ turkey this year, but you can do wonders with Spam and 2 parts Gin and 1 part rum!

Addiction

My friend Jacob asked on his blog what is addiction? Good question, what are YOU addicted to? What are the top 10 things you can't seem to live without and could you really give them up without getting upset, angry, agitated? Here are mine!

1. Pepsi
2. Potato Chips
3. Chicken and Cheese Nacho's
4. Ivory Soap
5. Cable TV and the ability to surf channels
6. Clean Sheets
7. Favorite Blanket
8. Chocolate Cake/White Icing
9. Netflix (Love this concept)
10. Cats

License to Wed

Newly engaged couple Sadie (Mandy Moore) and Ben (John Krasinski) look forward to a traditional wedding in St. Augustine's Church but, unfortunately for the lovebirds, the Rev. Frank (Robin Williams) refuses to bless the union until they pass his arduous marriage-prep course. While the clergyman puts the couple through holy hell, Ben and Sadie learn if they are truly destined to love each other till death do them part.

This was just about it and I would rate it about a C+. It was mildly amusing at best. I think the bloopers at the very end were more funny than the actual movie. John Krasinski is funny despite the movie being average. He deserved a better script. Mandy Moore is always the same, she should do a film with Keeanu Reeves!

Does anyone remember this song?

It's like you wanted to NOT like it, but once you heard it you just liked it anyway. So 80's!

Being Thankful.....

It's that time of year...........it means different things to different folks. Big meals, big get-togethers, big shopping and to some just a big headache. I have never enjoyed Thanksgiving personally. I'm not real big on the food and it's just in my way to get to the Holiday Season and I can't wait to decorate.

I always think that we have lost the meaning of the holiday. Every year I can't help but think we don't stop to be thankful for anything. What are you thankful for honestly? I know I have a lot this year and as we get older I guess it becomes more important. Here are just a few of mine.

1. My family - that I have them and that they are here and healthy. They are a group of people that although the expression states "you can't pick them" it's OK, I'll keep the ones I've been given.

2. My job and my house - the mere fact that I have both and I'm able to provide for my family. In today's world it's a big deal if you ask me!

3. My grandson - there are not enough words to express how much I love him and how he has changed the lives of me and my family. He is a blessing and I'm thankful he has been given to me.

4. My cats - Yep, no one is surprised but it's true. I have them and I rescued them and I love them. Each one is special to me and that's that.

5. My true friends - Two in particular Jacob and Jerry for both loving me for who I am and putting up with me in my time of "crisis" which is most of the time. Jerry for ALWAYS catching me BEFORE I fall and just being the best friend a girl could ever have in the world. Jacob for "getting me" quirks and all and talking to me until 1:00 AM and being OK with that!

6. My health - Yep, this one of course because I'm pretty healthy and I'm happy about that.

7. One true love - I've had it and it was the best life could offer. Despite the fact that we aren't together is OK, it's that I experienced it and I wish everyone could. For also realizing what real love is and that I've been blessed with it more than once in my life.

8. Life in general - it could be worse right? I mean despite the good days and the bad days, at the end of the day you have to think about what you have and what others don't have. Mine just isn't so bad.

This Thanksgiving I encourage everyone to stop for a moment and not rush to the table, to the party or shopping the next day and think about what they are thankful for and I guarantee it will make you feel better. Especially if you share with someone - tell your family at the table this year!

Theme from Mary Tyler Moore

For those of you that ever watched this show - I love this!!!!

Who Made YOU

What I’m getting at is who formed your personality. For the most part when asked this question you would answer your parents. Again, we all know that our parent, siblings and even other family members play a part in our personalities but think about other major influences in your life and write down who you think helped in forming your attitude, humor, style, and any other attributes you may posses.

I bring this up because I feel that as we grow up outside influences effect us quite a bit. TV personalities, teachers, etc that have form ideas in our minds and we may not realize it until later in life. Maybe we aspired to fall in love based on a particular movie that we watched and it stuck with us. Maybe we aspired to live in a particular location due to something we read in a book or learned in school. Maybe we have learned from tragedies to be (or not to be) like someone that lived through a tragic event. In any of these cases I feel that we are influenced by so many outside sources and if you stop to jot a few down you’ll be surprised.

I challenge you to choose 10 people or events (not family members although that is tough for me because my father is by #1 hero) that influenced the course of who you are and created your personality. I have did mine below as an example. It was fun for me to go back and do and I hope you have fun trying it too!

1. Dave Kleuh - My softball coach growing up because he taught me all about being a team player and to this day I still believe being a team player is the way to go. He single handedly instilled that quality in me and I thank him from the bottom of my heart.

2. Carol Burnett - She taught me humor. Plain and simple this woman is the funniest woman on the planet and anytime someone says "you crack me up" or "you make me laugh" I can only think it's because I watched 11 seasons of this woman's show. She is a legend.

3. Beth Peterson - My first grade teacher for giving me the best experience in my life as it should be and for being the kindest, most considerate person that I've ever known. Going forward she set the bar for teacher's for the rest of my life and they never hit it. Everyone should experience the security and warmth from a teacher as I did from her.

4. Mary Tyler Moore - Yes, sadly I wanted to be independent like this woman and live on my own. What she did do was aspire me to be strong, independent and take care of myself as a woman. It was a good show.

5. Love Story - I wanted love like they had in this movie and I was a mere child when this movie came out. I will never forget her telling him "Love means never having to say you're sorry" and for some reason I have never forgotten that statement and I have a meaning in my head that I go by and I try to live by.

6. The Holocaust - Yep, this was a tragedy for me that I can't fathom and it alters my life. To think that millions of people could be murdered, tortured and other horrible things, just boggles my mind and for so long, no one knew. It made me realize that evil exist in the world and you have to accept it and be aware of it.

7. Fred Astaire - Dancing, oh my gosh this man can dance and to watch him makes my heart flutter (corny I know) but I don't care. I watched him with my mom when I was little along with Danny Kaye, Gene Kelly and all the rest of them but this man had it going on. He made me realize that dancing was just an amazing art and I love to watch people dance today.

8. Billy Joel - I love music and I think it speaks to people and can change and enhance so many lives but this man speaks to me. He is an amazing song writer and to me is someone that understands people, emotions and life.

9. The Ocean - The vastness of it's being............what else can be said about it. Once you have sat down beside it and watched the tide come in or go out it changes you forever. It makes you want to do great things, at least it works for me.

10. Children - They change your lives and make you realize that life is short and life is innocent in the beginning. One can only start out fresh and hopefully we can keep them there as long as possible. The one in my life currently is teaching me to be a better person as we speak.

Moving Day..........

Moving Day at the Office
It's fun isn't it? New Desk, new deskmates! Out with the old stuff, in with the new. You SWEAR in your mind you will stay organized this time, ha ha, but you know within a week or two your desk will look like a war zone again with dust bunnies lurking behind the computer ready to take over when you leave for the day.

But for one or two days at least you feel fresh and new, alive and ready to take on the new work world. Enjoy and have fun!

Dan in Real Life

This movie was GREAT A+. My friend Jacob and I saw it Friday night and it's the first movie that he and I have agreed on for a very, long time.

It's touching, warm, funny, family based and it's just one of those feel good movies that you leave and I was still thinking about it the next day and I want to go see it again. You feel for so many of the characters and you understand what they are going through and the family, oh the family is like so many families (mine!) that you know and it's hilarious.

I recommend this movie to all!

Analogy of a Family

On a less bitter topic (ha ha)

My analogy of a great family recently came to me because of a personal matter that I had to go through. I stopped to think, it's like a bunch of super hero's coming together and that's what makes a great family. My family is great. Now, don't get me wrong - they drive me crazy, I complain about them because you have to right? But, in the end when the chips are down and you need someone, they are always there for you. Recently they stepped in and took care of me in a way that I could never repay them.

My theory is that each person can bring to the table an attribute that maybe the other person doesn't possess. One person may analyze so much better, one person may just bring patients, one can bring a financial minded perspective, heck one can even just bring humor to keep you from going insane. It's just that a family that can bring separate attributes and combine them to one force that can't be reckoned with is amazing and thus my analogy was formed.

I dedicate my super hero analogy to my family and I must say I love them with all my heart and to one particular person out there who once told me family should "not be so involved and should not be in my business". Well, all I have to say to you is, I feel so sorry for you that you never really understood what a family can be for you and do for you. I am also sorry that I almost let you convince me of that too. What a fool I was.

Daycare for Adults

When did the workforce become a daycare? If you think about it there is really no difference. It's the same concept. Its a big area where a big, bunch of big people are placed every day to stay for 8 hours until they can go home to their families. They get to have a snack in the morning, lunch in the middle of the day and then a snack in the afternoon if they so choose, just like daycare. The only difference is we miss the nap.

The other huge common factor is the maturity level of which we have resulted too in the last few years with coworkers. Everyone is afraid of job security, "one upping" each other and plain, old fashioned stabbing in the back that is just absolutely ridiculous. Whatever happened to getting up, going to work and doing your damn job and getting paid for it? Why can't we all just do that for a change and to hell with what else goes on around you? Is it the stress of management? Has that gone to hell in a hand bag? Is it the stress and ridiculous of upper management? Is it the stress of the financial situation or are we all just tense and we take it out on the people that we see the most, which is our co workers? Heck, we spend more time with them than we do our families.

It has come down to the point that if it's not like a daycare, it's a freakin' soap opera and we all know how pointless, mindless and ridiculous soap operas really are when you view them on the TV screen.

Wouldn't it be nice if the Golden Rule just applied and everyone just came in, did their job and attempted to just put as much effort into their desk work as they did minding their own freaking business? Companies might start to excel, revenue might go up, turnover might decrease and the world might just be a better place!

Just a dream though, instead it's a daycare for adults. It starts out as a teenager when you work at McDonalds and you tell yourself, "Well when I get a real job things will be better" but it just doesn't happen. Maybe some day the world will just RELAX and people won't be so paranoid and everyone can just get along.

Centerfold

Dedicated to my Friend S.W.

LOVE STINKS

Maroon 5

I love this group, can I just say that? The intensity in their music just speaks to me. If you haven’t heard their first CD “Songs about Jane” you need to start with this one to familiarize yourself with the group before you listen to their new CD “It Won’t Be Soon Before Long” The first CD was completely written about one girl and I have to tell you this man, the lead singer has been through some stuff in his life. He knows love, breakup, cheating, hurt, pain………I’m telling you the guy can make you feel it. The verses just get it out there. The second CD is just as intense. I have put a few favorite verses below so you can feel the intensity. I recommend anyone downloading or buying both CD’s.

I dedicate the 2nd CD to one person in particular because it’s totally about his life. He knows who he is and I know for a fact he’s already listened to it.

Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends

No more kisses on your lips, tender touch or...
I'd rather die on my two feet than live down on my knees.
And you're the girl to get me over what we start to be
And I just cant get over you, and until you're over me.

God damn, my spinning head
Decisions that made my bed
Now I must lay in it
And deal with things I left unsaid
I want to dive into you
Forget what you're going through
I get behind, make your move
Forget about the truth
I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a f**k about you

Drawbacks of Working in a Cubicle

1) Being told to "Think Outside the Box" when I'm in the darn box all day!
2) Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind me.
3) Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.
4) That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get a piece of cheese.
5) Lack of roof rafters for the noose.
6) My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.
7) Women: Darned near impossible to adjust your bra or slip without comment. Men: Co-workers tend to stare when you take your pants off.
8) 23 power cords, 1 outlet.
9) Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.
10) When tours come through, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.
11) Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out.

Goodbye to YOU

This video is going out to a very NON special person who HAD TO GO. For anyone that knows me and knows what has been going on in my personal life they will totally understand (and NO it's not about a bad break up). It's just dedicated to a person that just HAD TO GO. To all those folks that have someone that you'd like to see go.....turn up the volume and rock with me!!!!!!!!!!

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!

Six Feet Under Continues..........

I'm in Season Two and I'm still diggin' this show. Did anyone watch this when it was on? Does it stay this good? The mom kind of grates my nerves, get on with your life already, she is really dragging me down. Other than that, I'm still hanging in there. Brenda is kind of a slut too, but we'll see where that goes and I hope Nate catches her soon. Has to add for some drama.

Anyone else like it out there???

Check out the latest Top 10 - Halloween Movies!!!!

Things That Sound Dirty at the Office but Aren't

1. Mind if I use your laptop?
2. Just stick it in my box.
3. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
4. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
5. Hmmmm...I think it's out of fluid!
6. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
7. It's an entry-level position.
8. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
9. It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there!
10. Have you checked your hard disk for viruses?
11. I've increased my RAM for more power.

Elevator Etiquette

Some things NEVER change:

Over time things change. We don't play 45 records, cell phones aren't gigantic and we don't have transitor radio's but elevators are still intact in buildings and for some, on a daily basis we ride them up and down every day to get to our jobs. I don't, I work on a first floor building so I only ride them when I go to the Doctor, Dentist, etc.

What I do notice is that the etiquette has never faltered over time.

1. No one looks at each other - you wouldn't dare right? It's as if these people are from another planet and if you look at them their eyes will make your head explode. Now, you are allowed to look at the person you are with or a direct co-worker of course, but no stranger at all.

2. If you are talking, talking, talking on the outside of the elevator about your weekend, week night, etc. and you are in the middle of a great story and the doors open and you get in the actual elevator....the conversation must cease until you reach your floor and then you can pick up that conversation when you step out of the elevator area. If you continue talking it's just freaky to everyone on the elevator and very uncomfortable. We don't want to hear personal information about stranger's weekends!

3. People that get on and turn around and look at everyone else are just FREAKS and to do it #1 to make everyone feel uncomfortable or #2 because they are just giant ASSES!

4. Do you notices that no one EVER eats on an elevator. I have never seen ANYONE do this in my life. I think it is just an unspoken rule.

5. When getting on the elevator and there are just a few people it is expected that you are to go to your respected area.
Two people - opposite sides
Three people - sort of a corner to corner position
Four people - Obviously the four corners
More than Five - OK people no one panic just spread out as much as possible

6. Kids - They are either going to push the buttons OR push your buttons by crying, jumping, yelling and it's always going to be that they are going to the highest floor so you have to ride with them the ENTIRE time. Some kind of crazy fate.

7. The guy that tells the joke or tries to make the little quips on the elevator is OK right, and everyone usually laughs right?, and then you get off the elevator and think to yourself, "man I wish I could be more brave like that guy, he just broke elevator etiquette!"

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we could just be ourselves in the elevator!

Word of the Day

HYPOCRITE:
Main Entry: hyp·o·crite
Pronunciation: \ˈhi-pə-ˌkrit\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English ypocrite, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin hypocrita, from Greek hypokritēs actor, hypocrite, from hypokrinesthai
Date: 13th century
1 : a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2 : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings

Ok my little bloggettes, this is my word of the day and might I tell you I know the biggest hypocrite in the world.........no wait...........the universe. Although I can't divulge this persons name right at this moment as it isn't proper at this time, might I assure you that NEVER in the course of time will anyone pass this person in the realm of this title. I will stake my reputation on it.

Does anyone know a hypocrite? Lets get real, we've all been one from time to time, especially if you're a female, come on be honest, but to live day to day just spewing hypocritical verbage upon person after person, and at the same time living lie after lie AND living with yourself.........what must that be like?

Anyway, just my venting, Empress moment and word of the day!

Thanks for listening!

Things to Do in an Office Meeting

1) Take notes in finger paint.
2) Bring a huge jar of Vaseline to the meeting. Display it prominently.
3) At sensitive moments, blow your nose raucously. Apologize for your sinus condition.
4) Laugh uproariously at a quip that was made 2 or 3 minutes ago. Say, "Oh, now I get it!"
5) Wear a disposable paper face mask. Tell the group: "Hey, you don't want to catch what I've got!"
6) Check your watch very regularly, every 30 seconds or so.
7) Make a face like somebody beside you farted.
8) Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the real reason this meeting has been called.
9) Slowly slump in your seat. When you are about to fall off the chair, suddenly straighten up. Apologize profusely.
10) Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.
11) Complain loudly that your neighbor won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.
12) Have someone deliver a large cardboard box to you in the conference room. Apologize while you sign for it. About half an hour later, have a different person deliver another one.
13) Remove your shoes and socks. Lay your socks on the table, turn each one inside out, and inspect them carefully. If anyone says anything, tell them "doctor's orders."
14) Roll your eyes at almost everything the boss says. If addressed directly, adopt a cowering posture and stammer pitifully as you reply. Ask that he or she "not hurt you anymore."
14) During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.
15) Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.
16) Every so often, duck under the table. Stare in horror. Pop back up and look real scared.
17) Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.
18) Take your temperature every so often with a candy thermometer.
19) Distribute free condoms before or after the meeting.
20) Make all the stereotyped facial expressions to indicate that you are a psychiatrist administering psychoanalysis to the speaker. Take notes furiously.
21) Bring a pitcher of non-alcoholic beer to the meeting. As the meeting progresses, start slurring your speech. Belch loudly. Tell your co-workers you can't help it. Start crying.
22) Have a timer that buzzes at intervals. When it goes off, take a pill from a pill case and gulp it down. If anyone asks, tell them it's to "prevent the seizures."
23) Lapse into a staring coma. Drool. Have a confederate wipe the spit from your lips, and say "It's pitiful. But what can you do?"
24) At opportune times, stick an inhaler in your ear. Inhale deeply.
25)Ask your neighbor, nearer the speaker, to trade places with you "so you can hear better." Gradually work your way up to the speaker. When you are as close as possible, stare up at them adoringly. After a while, change your expression to a frown, sigh heartbreakingly, and begin to stare into space.
26) Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.
27) Wear shades and carry a walkie-talkie with an earphone. Once in a while, quietly say a few words into it.
28) Bring a doughnut cushion and use it. If anybody asks, say that your hemorrhoids are really acting up this week. Offer to share it if they really need it. Be embarrassingly persistent in your offer. Offer to show them how bad they are.
29) Wear brightly-colored earmuffs. Explain that "my ears tend to get real cold at these meetings." Ask the speaker to please talk a little louder.
30) Stand up and start doing the Macarena. Forcibly wrestle yourself back into your chair. Look real embarrassed. Tell everybody "My doctor's appointment is tomorrow."
31) Bring a large box of Depends to the meeting. Stow them under the conference table. Explain to a neighbor: "Just in case."
32) Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"
33) Bring a few telephone books. Add a few to sit on, adjusting your seat height until the top of your head is exactly one-half inch higher than the speaker's. Explain that you sometimes have trouble seeing the presentation.
34) Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.
35) Play a game of jacks on the conference table. Explain that it helps you concentrate.
36) When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.)

How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace

1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

2. Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.

4. Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."

5. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Spike." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Sparky."

6. High-light your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.

7. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.

8. Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

9. Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

10. Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

11. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

12. Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

13. Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh, you've got to be faster than that."

14. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

15. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.)

Road Trip Suggestion

You can click on my Pumpkin Farm Link and check on the Corucopia Farm link that is in the Scottsburg/Salem IN area. It's no further than going to Huber's and I totally recommend it instead. It's $6.00 for adults and $5.00 for kids older than 2 and it's a great place. Less commercialized and less crowded. Cheaper pumpkins and very family orienated. There is a huge slide that goes down this big hill and it's so fun. There is a tricycle track and a petting zoo. They have these wooden cows that you pretend to milk and a tractor ride out to the pumpkin field ($2 extra) to get your own pumpkins and it's a great ride. You can also get pumpkins out front in the field if you don't want to pay extra for the ride.

They have a general store, swing sets and a few other things to offer. It's just a great place to spend a few hours with the kids. We had a great time. Click on the link and hopefully you will check it out!

Point to Ponder

Serious moment, sorry

How deep do you allow your love to go?

If you have someone in your life and they repeatedly does things to themselves that are unhealthy to themselves or to those around them how long do you allow it to go on based on your love for them? Is love supposed to conquer all? There is an expression in the movie Love Story that says, "Love means never having to say your sorry". Is that really true?

Theory #1 says it is true because you know the person so well; child, sibling and/or spouse that when they do screw up you know them so well that you already know why they did and you accept their screw up and are willing to make amends and help them to recover and move on. Is that true love? Real love? Can real love conquer all?

Theory #2 says at some point this same person can eventually cross lines that even love can't conquer and at some point you have to step back from this person and not allow them to take advantage of you or hurt even others in a situation.

What about someone so selfish that they only see what is good for them. Is it your fault for being with them in the first place or enabling them to be selfish? If they are hurting themselves again are you an enabler? Are they actually innocent in the equation.

Points to ponder - does real love conquer all?

Committing to a Headband

We’ve all worn them (I think it’s an 80’s thing too), but the thing is once you put one on you have to commit to the day because your hair is fixed to that style. The thing is with most headbands, half way through the day it gives you a headache and you really want to take it off your head, but again, the hair is already set with the “headband hair” so what do you do? You have to commit to headband headache. It’s a bitch isn’t it? The only option is not wear them so for the most part I don’t, but then every once in a while you honestly forget and you think, “Oh, I haven’t wore a headband in months AND I’m thinking I look pretty OK in one so I’m going for it.” Then about 11:30(ish) it starts, your head starts to hurt and every time you don’t realize it at first. You’re thinking weather, stress and then it hits you – HEADBAND PRESSURE but it’s too late and you have to wait until you walk out the door from work to rip that puppy out and drive home. Again, vanity…………my favorite sin!

Things people notice at work........

Those that don’t; will never be made to
Those that say they are going to make them; won’t
Those they say they should; won’t
Those that say they shouldn’t; will
Those that say they can’t, can but won’t
Those they say they want to; really don’t want to, it’s just something to say
Those that don’t show up; should have
Those that show up; sometimes need to stay home
Those that have to tell you they’re overworked; aren’t
Those that tell you they’re underpaid; aren’t

T-Shirt Slogans

My friend Jennifer gave these to me and they are GREAT!

1. "Unlike you, I carry a concealed weapon. A brain."
2. "My greatest fear is that there is no PMS and that this is my personality."
3. "Smiling on the outside, sneering on the inside."
4. "Please hold your applause until I finish my remarks."
5. "What do you mean what do I mean?"
6. "That's right. I am part of the problem."
7. "To say that you're losing it would imply that you had it to begin with."
8. "Yet, despite the look on my face, you are still talking."
9. "I'm not gossiping, I'm networking."
10. "I'm not bossy, I just know what you should be doing."
11. "Glasses will fix my eyes. Nothing will fix your ugly."
12. "I'm having a good day. Please stay out of it."
13. "It's not nice to laugh at other people. It's just fun."
14. "Maturity, wisdom, life experience. I'd trade it all for tight abs."
15. "Indifference. More than an attitude- a way of life."
16. "I'm not indifferent. I just don't care."
17. "Just because everyone is acting normal doesn't make it normal."
18. "Sarcasm. Just one more service I offer."
19. "Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid."
20. "Are you a side effect of my medication?"

True love........

I began many years ago, as so many young men do, in searching for the perfect woman. I believed that if I looked long enough, and hard enough, I would find her and then I would be secure for life. Well, the years and romances came and went, and I eventually ended up settling for someone a lot less than my idea of perfection. But one day, after many years together, I lay there on our bed recovering from a slight illness. My wife was sitting on a chair next to the bed, humming softly and watching the late afternoon sun filtering through the trees. The only sounds to be heard elsewhere were the clock ticking, the kettle downstairs starting to boil, and an occasional schoolchild passing beneath our window. And as I looked up into my wife's now wrinkled face, but still warm and twinkling eyes, I realized something about perfection... It comes only with time.
-- James L. Collymore, "Perfect Woman"

Question that I ponder for the day

You have to wonder if the suicide rate is higher on Sunday evenings or Monday mornings? I'm just wondering.............just a thought.......

Top 10 80's TV Shows

Do you remember these shows? Check out the latest Top Ten List.....

5 Senses

Question:

If you had to give up one of your senses: touch, smell, taste, sight, or hearing which sense would you be willing to give up? The inability to feel anything? Never being able to smell anything again, taste any food, see anything again or hear anything again. Think about this before you answer. Some senses effect others. Which would you be willing to give up for life if you had to make that choice?

Six Feet Under

I'm watching the first season of this on Netflix and it's really good. Did anyone watch this when it was on? I just wondered because I don't know if it stays as good as the first season. I'm going to forge ahead, but so far so good.

How to tell a lie.............

For the love of Pete I have this pet peeve and I have to vent. If you are going to tell a lie then for the sake of all those you intend to involve in the lie do it well. I hate when someone lies to you and they have not thought it through, covered their tracks or remotely thought past 10 minutes from their lie. You want to badly to call them on the lie, but in some cases you just can't.

People, it's not that hard. Think it through. Think of your lie, develop who it will affect and then go from there. Yes, this is a strange topic but unfortunately it has just surfaced and I can't take it anymore. I hate stupid people trying to lie that SUCK at it. I almost want to say "OK stop, I can't take it any longer, if you're going to continue to do this....and apparently you are, then at least let me give you some pointers because you SUCK."

Think of the holes in your story, think of the ridiculous things that are coming out of your mouth that you expect others to believe. Do you think we are idiots? I would hope not.

Little white lies happen now and again but if you intend to attempt a true lie, one that you need to tell your parents, your boss or a friend then by all means think it through. Don't be an idiot and just toss it out there like it's nothing. A lie is an art and if you don't have it then don't do it.

OK, I feel better for venting that and for most of you that know me you will understand this blog entry.

Thank you!

Favorite Poem

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both the morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-- Robert Frost

Ode to Mickey

80's Flashback - I LOVED this video when it came out on MTV - Yes I'm a dork! I have it on my Ipod too. Yep sure do.