10. At 42 your nephew Steve watches the Macy’s Parade on his father’s shoulders in the living room.
9. All of Grandma’s recipes calls for 2 parts Gin and 1 part rum.
8. All eating utensils must be plastic due to last years holiday “incident” with cousin Billy.
7. Cousin Susie says her Mommy will be bringing an “Uncle” with them for dinner. She has many Uncles that visit her mommy.
6. Aunt Beth has to be reminded not to thank the caterer so graciously out back as she did last year since her divorce is not completely final from last year’s thank you.
5. The Shi’ites next door have actually asked that you keep the noise to a minimum this year
4. Everyone is reminded to not discuss that cousin Billy’s “sister” is really his “mom” (thus the utensil incident from last year).
3. Aunt Georgia’s new hair color really is supposed to be that color so no one ask why!
2. If the police show up for Uncle Marty; remember we have all rehearsed the alibi and we are sticking to it.
1. Dinner will be delayed for a few hours, Uncle Marty sold the church basket of food for money so Grandma has to go out and try to replace some of the food items and it looks like we ain’t havin’ turkey this year, but you can do wonders with Spam and 2 parts Gin and 1 part rum!
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