1) Being told to "Think Outside the Box" when I'm in the darn box all day!
2) Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind me.
3) Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.
4) That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get a piece of cheese.
5) Lack of roof rafters for the noose.
6) My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.
7) Women: Darned near impossible to adjust your bra or slip without comment. Men: Co-workers tend to stare when you take your pants off.
8) 23 power cords, 1 outlet.
9) Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.
10) When tours come through, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.
11) Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Goodbye to YOU
This video is going out to a very NON special person who HAD TO GO. For anyone that knows me and knows what has been going on in my personal life they will totally understand (and NO it's not about a bad break up). It's just dedicated to a person that just HAD TO GO. To all those folks that have someone that you'd like to see go.....turn up the volume and rock with me!!!!!!!!!!
HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!
Six Feet Under Continues..........
I'm in Season Two and I'm still diggin' this show. Did anyone watch this when it was on? Does it stay this good? The mom kind of grates my nerves, get on with your life already, she is really dragging me down. Other than that, I'm still hanging in there. Brenda is kind of a slut too, but we'll see where that goes and I hope Nate catches her soon. Has to add for some drama.
Anyone else like it out there???
Things That Sound Dirty at the Office but Aren't
1. Mind if I use your laptop?
2. Just stick it in my box.
3. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
4. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
5. Hmmmm...I think it's out of fluid!
6. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
7. It's an entry-level position.
8. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
9. It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there!
10. Have you checked your hard disk for viruses?
11. I've increased my RAM for more power.
2. Just stick it in my box.
3. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
4. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
5. Hmmmm...I think it's out of fluid!
6. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
7. It's an entry-level position.
8. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
9. It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there!
10. Have you checked your hard disk for viruses?
11. I've increased my RAM for more power.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Elevator Etiquette
Some things NEVER change:
Over time things change. We don't play 45 records, cell phones aren't gigantic and we don't have transitor radio's but elevators are still intact in buildings and for some, on a daily basis we ride them up and down every day to get to our jobs. I don't, I work on a first floor building so I only ride them when I go to the Doctor, Dentist, etc.
What I do notice is that the etiquette has never faltered over time.
1. No one looks at each other - you wouldn't dare right? It's as if these people are from another planet and if you look at them their eyes will make your head explode. Now, you are allowed to look at the person you are with or a direct co-worker of course, but no stranger at all.
2. If you are talking, talking, talking on the outside of the elevator about your weekend, week night, etc. and you are in the middle of a great story and the doors open and you get in the actual elevator....the conversation must cease until you reach your floor and then you can pick up that conversation when you step out of the elevator area. If you continue talking it's just freaky to everyone on the elevator and very uncomfortable. We don't want to hear personal information about stranger's weekends!
3. People that get on and turn around and look at everyone else are just FREAKS and to do it #1 to make everyone feel uncomfortable or #2 because they are just giant ASSES!
4. Do you notices that no one EVER eats on an elevator. I have never seen ANYONE do this in my life. I think it is just an unspoken rule.
5. When getting on the elevator and there are just a few people it is expected that you are to go to your respected area.
Two people - opposite sides
Three people - sort of a corner to corner position
Four people - Obviously the four corners
More than Five - OK people no one panic just spread out as much as possible
6. Kids - They are either going to push the buttons OR push your buttons by crying, jumping, yelling and it's always going to be that they are going to the highest floor so you have to ride with them the ENTIRE time. Some kind of crazy fate.
7. The guy that tells the joke or tries to make the little quips on the elevator is OK right, and everyone usually laughs right?, and then you get off the elevator and think to yourself, "man I wish I could be more brave like that guy, he just broke elevator etiquette!"
Wouldn't the world be a better place if we could just be ourselves in the elevator!
Over time things change. We don't play 45 records, cell phones aren't gigantic and we don't have transitor radio's but elevators are still intact in buildings and for some, on a daily basis we ride them up and down every day to get to our jobs. I don't, I work on a first floor building so I only ride them when I go to the Doctor, Dentist, etc.
What I do notice is that the etiquette has never faltered over time.
1. No one looks at each other - you wouldn't dare right? It's as if these people are from another planet and if you look at them their eyes will make your head explode. Now, you are allowed to look at the person you are with or a direct co-worker of course, but no stranger at all.
2. If you are talking, talking, talking on the outside of the elevator about your weekend, week night, etc. and you are in the middle of a great story and the doors open and you get in the actual elevator....the conversation must cease until you reach your floor and then you can pick up that conversation when you step out of the elevator area. If you continue talking it's just freaky to everyone on the elevator and very uncomfortable. We don't want to hear personal information about stranger's weekends!
3. People that get on and turn around and look at everyone else are just FREAKS and to do it #1 to make everyone feel uncomfortable or #2 because they are just giant ASSES!
4. Do you notices that no one EVER eats on an elevator. I have never seen ANYONE do this in my life. I think it is just an unspoken rule.
5. When getting on the elevator and there are just a few people it is expected that you are to go to your respected area.
Two people - opposite sides
Three people - sort of a corner to corner position
Four people - Obviously the four corners
More than Five - OK people no one panic just spread out as much as possible
6. Kids - They are either going to push the buttons OR push your buttons by crying, jumping, yelling and it's always going to be that they are going to the highest floor so you have to ride with them the ENTIRE time. Some kind of crazy fate.
7. The guy that tells the joke or tries to make the little quips on the elevator is OK right, and everyone usually laughs right?, and then you get off the elevator and think to yourself, "man I wish I could be more brave like that guy, he just broke elevator etiquette!"
Wouldn't the world be a better place if we could just be ourselves in the elevator!
Word of the Day
HYPOCRITE:
Main Entry: hyp·o·crite
Pronunciation: \ˈhi-pə-ˌkrit\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English ypocrite, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin hypocrita, from Greek hypokritēs actor, hypocrite, from hypokrinesthai
Date: 13th century
1 : a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2 : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings
Ok my little bloggettes, this is my word of the day and might I tell you I know the biggest hypocrite in the world.........no wait...........the universe. Although I can't divulge this persons name right at this moment as it isn't proper at this time, might I assure you that NEVER in the course of time will anyone pass this person in the realm of this title. I will stake my reputation on it.
Does anyone know a hypocrite? Lets get real, we've all been one from time to time, especially if you're a female, come on be honest, but to live day to day just spewing hypocritical verbage upon person after person, and at the same time living lie after lie AND living with yourself.........what must that be like?
Anyway, just my venting, Empress moment and word of the day!
Thanks for listening!
Main Entry: hyp·o·crite
Pronunciation: \ˈhi-pə-ˌkrit\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English ypocrite, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin hypocrita, from Greek hypokritēs actor, hypocrite, from hypokrinesthai
Date: 13th century
1 : a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2 : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings
Ok my little bloggettes, this is my word of the day and might I tell you I know the biggest hypocrite in the world.........no wait...........the universe. Although I can't divulge this persons name right at this moment as it isn't proper at this time, might I assure you that NEVER in the course of time will anyone pass this person in the realm of this title. I will stake my reputation on it.
Does anyone know a hypocrite? Lets get real, we've all been one from time to time, especially if you're a female, come on be honest, but to live day to day just spewing hypocritical verbage upon person after person, and at the same time living lie after lie AND living with yourself.........what must that be like?
Anyway, just my venting, Empress moment and word of the day!
Thanks for listening!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Things to Do in an Office Meeting
1) Take notes in finger paint.
2) Bring a huge jar of Vaseline to the meeting. Display it prominently.
3) At sensitive moments, blow your nose raucously. Apologize for your sinus condition.
4) Laugh uproariously at a quip that was made 2 or 3 minutes ago. Say, "Oh, now I get it!"
5) Wear a disposable paper face mask. Tell the group: "Hey, you don't want to catch what I've got!"
6) Check your watch very regularly, every 30 seconds or so.
7) Make a face like somebody beside you farted.
8) Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the real reason this meeting has been called.
9) Slowly slump in your seat. When you are about to fall off the chair, suddenly straighten up. Apologize profusely.
10) Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.
11) Complain loudly that your neighbor won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.
12) Have someone deliver a large cardboard box to you in the conference room. Apologize while you sign for it. About half an hour later, have a different person deliver another one.
13) Remove your shoes and socks. Lay your socks on the table, turn each one inside out, and inspect them carefully. If anyone says anything, tell them "doctor's orders."
14) Roll your eyes at almost everything the boss says. If addressed directly, adopt a cowering posture and stammer pitifully as you reply. Ask that he or she "not hurt you anymore."
14) During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.
15) Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.
16) Every so often, duck under the table. Stare in horror. Pop back up and look real scared.
17) Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.
18) Take your temperature every so often with a candy thermometer.
19) Distribute free condoms before or after the meeting.
20) Make all the stereotyped facial expressions to indicate that you are a psychiatrist administering psychoanalysis to the speaker. Take notes furiously.
21) Bring a pitcher of non-alcoholic beer to the meeting. As the meeting progresses, start slurring your speech. Belch loudly. Tell your co-workers you can't help it. Start crying.
22) Have a timer that buzzes at intervals. When it goes off, take a pill from a pill case and gulp it down. If anyone asks, tell them it's to "prevent the seizures."
23) Lapse into a staring coma. Drool. Have a confederate wipe the spit from your lips, and say "It's pitiful. But what can you do?"
24) At opportune times, stick an inhaler in your ear. Inhale deeply.
25)Ask your neighbor, nearer the speaker, to trade places with you "so you can hear better." Gradually work your way up to the speaker. When you are as close as possible, stare up at them adoringly. After a while, change your expression to a frown, sigh heartbreakingly, and begin to stare into space.
26) Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.
27) Wear shades and carry a walkie-talkie with an earphone. Once in a while, quietly say a few words into it.
28) Bring a doughnut cushion and use it. If anybody asks, say that your hemorrhoids are really acting up this week. Offer to share it if they really need it. Be embarrassingly persistent in your offer. Offer to show them how bad they are.
29) Wear brightly-colored earmuffs. Explain that "my ears tend to get real cold at these meetings." Ask the speaker to please talk a little louder.
30) Stand up and start doing the Macarena. Forcibly wrestle yourself back into your chair. Look real embarrassed. Tell everybody "My doctor's appointment is tomorrow."
31) Bring a large box of Depends to the meeting. Stow them under the conference table. Explain to a neighbor: "Just in case."
32) Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"
33) Bring a few telephone books. Add a few to sit on, adjusting your seat height until the top of your head is exactly one-half inch higher than the speaker's. Explain that you sometimes have trouble seeing the presentation.
34) Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.
35) Play a game of jacks on the conference table. Explain that it helps you concentrate.
36) When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.)
2) Bring a huge jar of Vaseline to the meeting. Display it prominently.
3) At sensitive moments, blow your nose raucously. Apologize for your sinus condition.
4) Laugh uproariously at a quip that was made 2 or 3 minutes ago. Say, "Oh, now I get it!"
5) Wear a disposable paper face mask. Tell the group: "Hey, you don't want to catch what I've got!"
6) Check your watch very regularly, every 30 seconds or so.
7) Make a face like somebody beside you farted.
8) Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the real reason this meeting has been called.
9) Slowly slump in your seat. When you are about to fall off the chair, suddenly straighten up. Apologize profusely.
10) Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.
11) Complain loudly that your neighbor won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.
12) Have someone deliver a large cardboard box to you in the conference room. Apologize while you sign for it. About half an hour later, have a different person deliver another one.
13) Remove your shoes and socks. Lay your socks on the table, turn each one inside out, and inspect them carefully. If anyone says anything, tell them "doctor's orders."
14) Roll your eyes at almost everything the boss says. If addressed directly, adopt a cowering posture and stammer pitifully as you reply. Ask that he or she "not hurt you anymore."
14) During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.
15) Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.
16) Every so often, duck under the table. Stare in horror. Pop back up and look real scared.
17) Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.
18) Take your temperature every so often with a candy thermometer.
19) Distribute free condoms before or after the meeting.
20) Make all the stereotyped facial expressions to indicate that you are a psychiatrist administering psychoanalysis to the speaker. Take notes furiously.
21) Bring a pitcher of non-alcoholic beer to the meeting. As the meeting progresses, start slurring your speech. Belch loudly. Tell your co-workers you can't help it. Start crying.
22) Have a timer that buzzes at intervals. When it goes off, take a pill from a pill case and gulp it down. If anyone asks, tell them it's to "prevent the seizures."
23) Lapse into a staring coma. Drool. Have a confederate wipe the spit from your lips, and say "It's pitiful. But what can you do?"
24) At opportune times, stick an inhaler in your ear. Inhale deeply.
25)Ask your neighbor, nearer the speaker, to trade places with you "so you can hear better." Gradually work your way up to the speaker. When you are as close as possible, stare up at them adoringly. After a while, change your expression to a frown, sigh heartbreakingly, and begin to stare into space.
26) Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.
27) Wear shades and carry a walkie-talkie with an earphone. Once in a while, quietly say a few words into it.
28) Bring a doughnut cushion and use it. If anybody asks, say that your hemorrhoids are really acting up this week. Offer to share it if they really need it. Be embarrassingly persistent in your offer. Offer to show them how bad they are.
29) Wear brightly-colored earmuffs. Explain that "my ears tend to get real cold at these meetings." Ask the speaker to please talk a little louder.
30) Stand up and start doing the Macarena. Forcibly wrestle yourself back into your chair. Look real embarrassed. Tell everybody "My doctor's appointment is tomorrow."
31) Bring a large box of Depends to the meeting. Stow them under the conference table. Explain to a neighbor: "Just in case."
32) Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"
33) Bring a few telephone books. Add a few to sit on, adjusting your seat height until the top of your head is exactly one-half inch higher than the speaker's. Explain that you sometimes have trouble seeing the presentation.
34) Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.
35) Play a game of jacks on the conference table. Explain that it helps you concentrate.
36) When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.)
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace
1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2. Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.
4. Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."
5. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Spike." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Sparky."
6. High-light your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.
7. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.
8. Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.
9. Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
10. Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
11. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
12. Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
13. Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh, you've got to be faster than that."
14. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
15. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.)
2. Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.
4. Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."
5. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Spike." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Sparky."
6. High-light your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.
7. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.
8. Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.
9. Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
10. Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
11. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
12. Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
13. Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh, you've got to be faster than that."
14. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
15. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.)
Monday, October 22, 2007
Road Trip Suggestion
You can click on my Pumpkin Farm Link and check on the Corucopia Farm link that is in the Scottsburg/Salem IN area. It's no further than going to Huber's and I totally recommend it instead. It's $6.00 for adults and $5.00 for kids older than 2 and it's a great place. Less commercialized and less crowded. Cheaper pumpkins and very family orienated. There is a huge slide that goes down this big hill and it's so fun. There is a tricycle track and a petting zoo. They have these wooden cows that you pretend to milk and a tractor ride out to the pumpkin field ($2 extra) to get your own pumpkins and it's a great ride. You can also get pumpkins out front in the field if you don't want to pay extra for the ride.
They have a general store, swing sets and a few other things to offer. It's just a great place to spend a few hours with the kids. We had a great time. Click on the link and hopefully you will check it out!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Point to Ponder
Serious moment, sorry
How deep do you allow your love to go?
If you have someone in your life and they repeatedly does things to themselves that are unhealthy to themselves or to those around them how long do you allow it to go on based on your love for them? Is love supposed to conquer all? There is an expression in the movie Love Story that says, "Love means never having to say your sorry". Is that really true?
Theory #1 says it is true because you know the person so well; child, sibling and/or spouse that when they do screw up you know them so well that you already know why they did and you accept their screw up and are willing to make amends and help them to recover and move on. Is that true love? Real love? Can real love conquer all?
Theory #2 says at some point this same person can eventually cross lines that even love can't conquer and at some point you have to step back from this person and not allow them to take advantage of you or hurt even others in a situation.
What about someone so selfish that they only see what is good for them. Is it your fault for being with them in the first place or enabling them to be selfish? If they are hurting themselves again are you an enabler? Are they actually innocent in the equation.
Points to ponder - does real love conquer all?
How deep do you allow your love to go?
If you have someone in your life and they repeatedly does things to themselves that are unhealthy to themselves or to those around them how long do you allow it to go on based on your love for them? Is love supposed to conquer all? There is an expression in the movie Love Story that says, "Love means never having to say your sorry". Is that really true?
Theory #1 says it is true because you know the person so well; child, sibling and/or spouse that when they do screw up you know them so well that you already know why they did and you accept their screw up and are willing to make amends and help them to recover and move on. Is that true love? Real love? Can real love conquer all?
Theory #2 says at some point this same person can eventually cross lines that even love can't conquer and at some point you have to step back from this person and not allow them to take advantage of you or hurt even others in a situation.
What about someone so selfish that they only see what is good for them. Is it your fault for being with them in the first place or enabling them to be selfish? If they are hurting themselves again are you an enabler? Are they actually innocent in the equation.
Points to ponder - does real love conquer all?
Committing to a Headband
We’ve all worn them (I think it’s an 80’s thing too), but the thing is once you put one on you have to commit to the day because your hair is fixed to that style. The thing is with most headbands, half way through the day it gives you a headache and you really want to take it off your head, but again, the hair is already set with the “headband hair” so what do you do? You have to commit to headband headache. It’s a bitch isn’t it? The only option is not wear them so for the most part I don’t, but then every once in a while you honestly forget and you think, “Oh, I haven’t wore a headband in months AND I’m thinking I look pretty OK in one so I’m going for it.” Then about 11:30(ish) it starts, your head starts to hurt and every time you don’t realize it at first. You’re thinking weather, stress and then it hits you – HEADBAND PRESSURE but it’s too late and you have to wait until you walk out the door from work to rip that puppy out and drive home. Again, vanity…………my favorite sin!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Things people notice at work........
Those that don’t; will never be made to
Those that say they are going to make them; won’t
Those they say they should; won’t
Those that say they shouldn’t; will
Those that say they can’t, can but won’t
Those they say they want to; really don’t want to, it’s just something to say
Those that don’t show up; should have
Those that show up; sometimes need to stay home
Those that have to tell you they’re overworked; aren’t
Those that tell you they’re underpaid; aren’t
Those that say they are going to make them; won’t
Those they say they should; won’t
Those that say they shouldn’t; will
Those that say they can’t, can but won’t
Those they say they want to; really don’t want to, it’s just something to say
Those that don’t show up; should have
Those that show up; sometimes need to stay home
Those that have to tell you they’re overworked; aren’t
Those that tell you they’re underpaid; aren’t
T-Shirt Slogans
My friend Jennifer gave these to me and they are GREAT!
1. "Unlike you, I carry a concealed weapon. A brain."
2. "My greatest fear is that there is no PMS and that this is my personality."
3. "Smiling on the outside, sneering on the inside."
4. "Please hold your applause until I finish my remarks."
5. "What do you mean what do I mean?"
6. "That's right. I am part of the problem."
7. "To say that you're losing it would imply that you had it to begin with."
8. "Yet, despite the look on my face, you are still talking."
9. "I'm not gossiping, I'm networking."
10. "I'm not bossy, I just know what you should be doing."
11. "Glasses will fix my eyes. Nothing will fix your ugly."
12. "I'm having a good day. Please stay out of it."
13. "It's not nice to laugh at other people. It's just fun."
14. "Maturity, wisdom, life experience. I'd trade it all for tight abs."
15. "Indifference. More than an attitude- a way of life."
16. "I'm not indifferent. I just don't care."
17. "Just because everyone is acting normal doesn't make it normal."
18. "Sarcasm. Just one more service I offer."
19. "Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid."
20. "Are you a side effect of my medication?"
1. "Unlike you, I carry a concealed weapon. A brain."
2. "My greatest fear is that there is no PMS and that this is my personality."
3. "Smiling on the outside, sneering on the inside."
4. "Please hold your applause until I finish my remarks."
5. "What do you mean what do I mean?"
6. "That's right. I am part of the problem."
7. "To say that you're losing it would imply that you had it to begin with."
8. "Yet, despite the look on my face, you are still talking."
9. "I'm not gossiping, I'm networking."
10. "I'm not bossy, I just know what you should be doing."
11. "Glasses will fix my eyes. Nothing will fix your ugly."
12. "I'm having a good day. Please stay out of it."
13. "It's not nice to laugh at other people. It's just fun."
14. "Maturity, wisdom, life experience. I'd trade it all for tight abs."
15. "Indifference. More than an attitude- a way of life."
16. "I'm not indifferent. I just don't care."
17. "Just because everyone is acting normal doesn't make it normal."
18. "Sarcasm. Just one more service I offer."
19. "Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid."
20. "Are you a side effect of my medication?"
Monday, October 15, 2007
True love........
I began many years ago, as so many young men do, in searching for the perfect woman. I believed that if I looked long enough, and hard enough, I would find her and then I would be secure for life. Well, the years and romances came and went, and I eventually ended up settling for someone a lot less than my idea of perfection. But one day, after many years together, I lay there on our bed recovering from a slight illness. My wife was sitting on a chair next to the bed, humming softly and watching the late afternoon sun filtering through the trees. The only sounds to be heard elsewhere were the clock ticking, the kettle downstairs starting to boil, and an occasional schoolchild passing beneath our window. And as I looked up into my wife's now wrinkled face, but still warm and twinkling eyes, I realized something about perfection... It comes only with time.
-- James L. Collymore, "Perfect Woman"
-- James L. Collymore, "Perfect Woman"
Question that I ponder for the day
You have to wonder if the suicide rate is higher on Sunday evenings or Monday mornings? I'm just wondering.............just a thought.......
Saturday, October 13, 2007
5 Senses
Question:
If you had to give up one of your senses: touch, smell, taste, sight, or hearing which sense would you be willing to give up? The inability to feel anything? Never being able to smell anything again, taste any food, see anything again or hear anything again. Think about this before you answer. Some senses effect others. Which would you be willing to give up for life if you had to make that choice?
If you had to give up one of your senses: touch, smell, taste, sight, or hearing which sense would you be willing to give up? The inability to feel anything? Never being able to smell anything again, taste any food, see anything again or hear anything again. Think about this before you answer. Some senses effect others. Which would you be willing to give up for life if you had to make that choice?
Six Feet Under
I'm watching the first season of this on Netflix and it's really good. Did anyone watch this when it was on? I just wondered because I don't know if it stays as good as the first season. I'm going to forge ahead, but so far so good.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
How to tell a lie.............
For the love of Pete I have this pet peeve and I have to vent. If you are going to tell a lie then for the sake of all those you intend to involve in the lie do it well. I hate when someone lies to you and they have not thought it through, covered their tracks or remotely thought past 10 minutes from their lie. You want to badly to call them on the lie, but in some cases you just can't.
People, it's not that hard. Think it through. Think of your lie, develop who it will affect and then go from there. Yes, this is a strange topic but unfortunately it has just surfaced and I can't take it anymore. I hate stupid people trying to lie that SUCK at it. I almost want to say "OK stop, I can't take it any longer, if you're going to continue to do this....and apparently you are, then at least let me give you some pointers because you SUCK."
Think of the holes in your story, think of the ridiculous things that are coming out of your mouth that you expect others to believe. Do you think we are idiots? I would hope not.
Little white lies happen now and again but if you intend to attempt a true lie, one that you need to tell your parents, your boss or a friend then by all means think it through. Don't be an idiot and just toss it out there like it's nothing. A lie is an art and if you don't have it then don't do it.
OK, I feel better for venting that and for most of you that know me you will understand this blog entry.
Thank you!
People, it's not that hard. Think it through. Think of your lie, develop who it will affect and then go from there. Yes, this is a strange topic but unfortunately it has just surfaced and I can't take it anymore. I hate stupid people trying to lie that SUCK at it. I almost want to say "OK stop, I can't take it any longer, if you're going to continue to do this....and apparently you are, then at least let me give you some pointers because you SUCK."
Think of the holes in your story, think of the ridiculous things that are coming out of your mouth that you expect others to believe. Do you think we are idiots? I would hope not.
Little white lies happen now and again but if you intend to attempt a true lie, one that you need to tell your parents, your boss or a friend then by all means think it through. Don't be an idiot and just toss it out there like it's nothing. A lie is an art and if you don't have it then don't do it.
OK, I feel better for venting that and for most of you that know me you will understand this blog entry.
Thank you!
Favorite Poem
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both the morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-- Robert Frost
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both the morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-- Robert Frost
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Ode to Mickey
80's Flashback - I LOVED this video when it came out on MTV - Yes I'm a dork! I have it on my Ipod too. Yep sure do.
Vanity IS a Sin - You simply Lose this one
Haven't you seen the studies where they show what Jesus would have actually looked like? Must I embarrass you on this blog (Re: See Jacob's blog to understand this argument).
The image of Jesus we see in pictures and TV was created to be appealing to the general public. In reality he was a much less handsome individual. One should not put so much effort into their appearance and we should not get "caught up" in the vanity portion of life as we do. I know this, but it's the growing older syndrome that sucks me in. The grey hair, the looking older, the lines around the eyes, it's just pure vanity and it's wrong.
I can't believe you tried to play the Jesus card! You must do better than this to win this argument. a mere definition and a picture of Jesus does not win this argument. I still stand by the fact that vanity is a sin and the devil uses it to play against the good people of the world.
The end..........
The image of Jesus we see in pictures and TV was created to be appealing to the general public. In reality he was a much less handsome individual. One should not put so much effort into their appearance and we should not get "caught up" in the vanity portion of life as we do. I know this, but it's the growing older syndrome that sucks me in. The grey hair, the looking older, the lines around the eyes, it's just pure vanity and it's wrong.
I can't believe you tried to play the Jesus card! You must do better than this to win this argument. a mere definition and a picture of Jesus does not win this argument. I still stand by the fact that vanity is a sin and the devil uses it to play against the good people of the world.
The end..........
Top Ten Perfect Put Downs
1. Darling, how daring of you to wear canary yellow with your coloring!
2. I can tell you think cooking is a waste of time!
3. I had a sweater just like that in high school!
4. He's your fiance? I thought he was gay?
5. How do you manage to come up with such frugal gifts?
6. Congratulations, I didn't know you were pregnant...oh you're not?
7. I didn't know they still SOLD pancake makeup!
8. You mean you don't make all your own clothes?
9. I just wish I had the nerve to dress like you do!
10. I think your strands of grey in your hair give you character
2. I can tell you think cooking is a waste of time!
3. I had a sweater just like that in high school!
4. He's your fiance? I thought he was gay?
5. How do you manage to come up with such frugal gifts?
6. Congratulations, I didn't know you were pregnant...oh you're not?
7. I didn't know they still SOLD pancake makeup!
8. You mean you don't make all your own clothes?
9. I just wish I had the nerve to dress like you do!
10. I think your strands of grey in your hair give you character
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
The GREAT People of the World
We've all met them haven't we? I would love comments or emails. Come on we work with them, we are forced to socialize with them through friends of other friends or they are in our family. Here are a few:
The HYPOCONDRIAC - No matter what you have (or had), they have (or had) worse. AND...they are now suffering from about 3 or 4 things as they are speaking to you. It's always something...headache, allergies, they picked up a bug from someone at the office and it's ALWAYS worse than your illness. They've had surgeries that have gone bad, medicine reactions and the worst is that they know someone, that knows someone, that knew someone that almost DIED from something that you just talked about....love getting stuck talking to this person.
The MOOCHER - This is the person that always comes to the office or the family get-together and NEVER brings anything, but always manages to eat the entire day. They always have a reason; got up late, kids were sick or they had a "crazy night" and just couldn't get it together, but they are the first one at the table and they usually take the leftovers home (since nobody seems to want them anyway).
The CHEAPSKATE - This is the person that never wants to do what the entire group wants to do. You have an event set up and they say, "Well that is just too expensive" or "We can find a better deal" but they certainly won't volunteer to help you find the deal. They also nickel and dime over every commmittee they join when it comes to buying treats, snacks, paper products and any other damn thing you need to buy but again, they are the last one to actually BUY anything. They just want to complain about how much YOUR committee spent.
The NEGATIVE NELLY - Every day is gloomy, the world is over, the glass is half empty, the company is going to close, their spouse is horrible, their kids are bad, their house is falling down around them, no one helps them with their job, they are the ONLY one that helps with their parents, they are the only one that actively works at church, school, etc, they don't make enough money, they never get noticed at work, life is about to end, they are tired, they are sick.........ok, I think you get the point.
The UNAPPRECIATIVE - This is the one that no matter how much you do for them they just can't seem to say thank you or wow, that was very nice of you. This is more family or friend of a friend that you see and you think to yourself, "Wow, do these people really exist?" They tend to hang out with the Moochers or they are known as a.k.a. Moocher. ha ha. They tend to take, take, take and never seem to know when to give or say thank you. It amazes me. Just when you think they'll catch on - Nope, they just move on and don't look back.
The OBNOXIOUS - The joke teller, the person in the office or at the family party that you think "yes they are going to show up aren't they" person. You dread them, but what can you do except grin and bear it??? The loud, over bearing, "can't believe they just actually told that story outloud" person that you just wish would leave early!
The HYPOCONDRIAC - No matter what you have (or had), they have (or had) worse. AND...they are now suffering from about 3 or 4 things as they are speaking to you. It's always something...headache, allergies, they picked up a bug from someone at the office and it's ALWAYS worse than your illness. They've had surgeries that have gone bad, medicine reactions and the worst is that they know someone, that knows someone, that knew someone that almost DIED from something that you just talked about....love getting stuck talking to this person.
The MOOCHER - This is the person that always comes to the office or the family get-together and NEVER brings anything, but always manages to eat the entire day. They always have a reason; got up late, kids were sick or they had a "crazy night" and just couldn't get it together, but they are the first one at the table and they usually take the leftovers home (since nobody seems to want them anyway).
The CHEAPSKATE - This is the person that never wants to do what the entire group wants to do. You have an event set up and they say, "Well that is just too expensive" or "We can find a better deal" but they certainly won't volunteer to help you find the deal. They also nickel and dime over every commmittee they join when it comes to buying treats, snacks, paper products and any other damn thing you need to buy but again, they are the last one to actually BUY anything. They just want to complain about how much YOUR committee spent.
The NEGATIVE NELLY - Every day is gloomy, the world is over, the glass is half empty, the company is going to close, their spouse is horrible, their kids are bad, their house is falling down around them, no one helps them with their job, they are the ONLY one that helps with their parents, they are the only one that actively works at church, school, etc, they don't make enough money, they never get noticed at work, life is about to end, they are tired, they are sick.........ok, I think you get the point.
The UNAPPRECIATIVE - This is the one that no matter how much you do for them they just can't seem to say thank you or wow, that was very nice of you. This is more family or friend of a friend that you see and you think to yourself, "Wow, do these people really exist?" They tend to hang out with the Moochers or they are known as a.k.a. Moocher. ha ha. They tend to take, take, take and never seem to know when to give or say thank you. It amazes me. Just when you think they'll catch on - Nope, they just move on and don't look back.
The OBNOXIOUS - The joke teller, the person in the office or at the family party that you think "yes they are going to show up aren't they" person. You dread them, but what can you do except grin and bear it??? The loud, over bearing, "can't believe they just actually told that story outloud" person that you just wish would leave early!
Vanity IS a Sin.
Aaahhh Vanity, my favorite Sin....It's my favorite line from this movie, the Devil's Advocate and I had to share today. I have decided that if I ever become homeless I'll be living in a box and instead of panhandling for food I'll be panhandling for money to get my hair colored and my nails done. Yes, vanity has me by it's ugly cluthes and refuses to let me go. Food? I scoff at food, I can slap some peanut butter on a few crackers and call it a day, but to not have money to cover the gray is a SIN! ha ha. Yep, vanity is a sin, but it's one I will go down for ladies.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
New 80's Top Ten List
When you hear them, you know exactly where they came from..........the famous quotes of the 80's movies you love! Check them out....
Friday, October 5, 2007
Clueless in the 80's
Ok, I'm taking you back with this one and I'm not lying I didn't know the man was gay. Was I just too young? I'm watching this now, at 40 and I'm like DUH! But I was young, he had like a Miami Vice kind of vibe going right? His shirt says "Choose Life" not "Choose Men". Yes the shorts are short, but again, it's a summer theme and the girls are yelling all around him. What were we thinking back then? It was the 80's and hell, I had Boy George to contend with so I was dealing with him, at least this guy was cute. Somebody back me up on this......
Hot Facing Movies
Glitter - This movie came about because Mariah was at home one day, lonely in her 9-inch heals, hoochie shorts and tank top, whining to her manager that “Whitney has a movie and I want a movie too”, thus Glitter was born! Girl, give it up, Whitney can act!
Cat Woman – Meow, Meow Kitty had a better chance of carrying this movie off. Halle what were you thinking? Running around half naked in a cat suit does not make a movie! Just ask Mariah.
Wickerman – Yeah, what can you even SAY about this movie? It was a big wicker doll and they burned him alive??
The Last Samurai – Not only was this the dumbest movie I’ve ever seen it was unrealistic. The fight scene at the end, EVERYONE dies but Tom. I wanted to kill myself it was so stupid.
Titantic – Hey, let’s take a true life tragedy and add a fake love story with over acting and drag it out for 4 hours, that’s great. Let it sink!
Pulp Fiction – Freakville USA
Corky Romano – Put a cork in it and stay on SNL baby. This movie tanked.
Fast and Furious – I’m furious so I’m going to drive fast. There were sequels to this too???
Waterworld – OK this is my man and I have stood by him through them all, but even I couldn’t do it through this one – what was the point? Can anyone tell me what the point is of this movie?
Vanilla Sky – This is for the people that liked Pulp Fiction right? Again, WTF? Raining frogs???
Cat Woman – Meow, Meow Kitty had a better chance of carrying this movie off. Halle what were you thinking? Running around half naked in a cat suit does not make a movie! Just ask Mariah.
Wickerman – Yeah, what can you even SAY about this movie? It was a big wicker doll and they burned him alive??
The Last Samurai – Not only was this the dumbest movie I’ve ever seen it was unrealistic. The fight scene at the end, EVERYONE dies but Tom. I wanted to kill myself it was so stupid.
Titantic – Hey, let’s take a true life tragedy and add a fake love story with over acting and drag it out for 4 hours, that’s great. Let it sink!
Pulp Fiction – Freakville USA
Corky Romano – Put a cork in it and stay on SNL baby. This movie tanked.
Fast and Furious – I’m furious so I’m going to drive fast. There were sequels to this too???
Waterworld – OK this is my man and I have stood by him through them all, but even I couldn’t do it through this one – what was the point? Can anyone tell me what the point is of this movie?
Vanilla Sky – This is for the people that liked Pulp Fiction right? Again, WTF? Raining frogs???
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Things you'd love to say at work................
1. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
2. I like you. You remind me when I was young and stupid.
3. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
4. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
5. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are mostly ceremonial.
6. Any you're cry-baby, whinybutt opinion would be?
7. Sarcasm is just one special customer service we offer!
8. I thought I wanted a career, but it turns out I just wanted a paycheck.
9. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality so we can communicate better.
10. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1 please?
2. I like you. You remind me when I was young and stupid.
3. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
4. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
5. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are mostly ceremonial.
6. Any you're cry-baby, whinybutt opinion would be?
7. Sarcasm is just one special customer service we offer!
8. I thought I wanted a career, but it turns out I just wanted a paycheck.
9. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality so we can communicate better.
10. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1 please?
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)